Miss Me with That by Rachel Lindsay

Author:Rachel Lindsay [Lindsay, Rachel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2022-01-25T00:00:00+00:00

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The L.A. audition was no weekend getaway. Upon my arrival they gave me another massive questionnaire to complete. As I skimmed through the questions, it struck me more as a psychological evaluation than a personality test. I poured myself a glass of wine and dug in. It took me all night to finish it.

Before the audition a casting director arrived at my room to help me choose an outfit. I thought they gave this style assistance to everyone. Much later I discovered that other hopefuls didn’t receive this help. Had I not been naive to this world, I might have recognized the signs; the extra attention indicated how far ahead the producers envisioned my participation in the franchise.

The L.A. process began with an on-camera interview. A producer asked me, “What type of guy would your parents want you to be with?”

“Oh my God, that’s so easy,” I said. “Barack Obama.” Barack Obama was shorthand. My parents wanted me to stop dating athletes and choose men with greater substance. Professionals with impeccable résumés and conservative lifestyles. Someone who would make them proud to call him their son-in-law. A Lindsay. But truly, my parents wanted somebody who would respect me, love me, and treat me right. Someone I had yet to meet at the time of my audition.

She cackled out loud. “Okay, you’re done. I’m moving you to the next round.”

That meant meeting with the producers of the show, Ernie (who I came to grow fond of over time), and Bert. It took place in a different, big room. In the center of the room was a single chair for the applicant. Across from my single chair were two chairs for Bert and Ernie and behind them a sea of people. I didn’t know at the time that they were the show’s executive producers. As I walked toward my seat, I looked around the room and immediately took note.

There is nobody else in this room who’s Black.

Look, I’m used to walking into the room and being the only Black person in it. Having experienced this situation throughout my entire life, I never not notice I’m the only Black person in the room and I know how to navigate it. But this was a radically different space from the ones I’d previously encountered at school and work—these white folks were here precisely to look at me—and I felt a little awkward. I took a deep breath and sat down.

The first thing Ernie said to me was that he identified as a Black woman. He meant it to be funny, and the fact that he had no idea how incredibly offensive his comment was floored me. And you wonder why you have a hard time getting Black people to come on your show. I laughed uncomfortably, having no energy to educate him in that moment. Instead I allowed him to have the moment he clearly wanted. Our conversation centered on the lack of Black contestants, and the producers were open and defensive in their explanations from the start.

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